End of the Truck

And a dinosaur gave blood, folks. A hundred and fifteen million years ago. Nobody gave it a cookie.

Our lead. Decrypt and UPI report Tesla will stop making the Cybertruck at its factory in Texas around the middle of next year.

No! Diane, not the truck! The triangle truck! The one that looks like a doorstop that went to college!

Elon Musk announced it Friday, in a post on X. Quote, Tesla will be winding down production of the Cybertruck at Gigafactory Texas around the middle of next year to make room for increased Cybercab production.

Winding down. That's what they say about a clock. Or a grandfather.

The Cybercab is Tesla's robotaxi. Decrypt reports it's a two-seater with no steering wheel and no pedals.

No steering wheel! Diane, it's a car with nobody in charge! It's like this newsroom with doors!

It does have doors.

Then it's already ahead of us!

The sales. UPI cites Cox Automotive, which estimated about twenty thousand Cybertrucks sold in the United States last year. Down forty-eight percent from the year before.

Twenty thousand two hundred thirty-seven, if you're holding the estimate. Which I'm not. I'm holding a coffee.

And at launch, UPI reports, Musk predicted it would sell two hundred fifty thousand a year.

So it hit about eight percent of the plan. Diane, that's my grade on a good night.

And this is my favorite line in either story. UPI reports that last year, SpaceX spent a hundred thirty-one million dollars buying Cybertrucks. At their suggested retail price.

He bought his own trucks! Diane, the man bought his own trucks from himself! At full price!

From the other company he runs.

That's the move! That's what you do when nobody comes to your yard sale! You buy the lamp!

A user on X called the Cybertruck the best vehicle Tesla has ever made. Musk replied, quote, True, but the Cybertruck fleet will be around for a long time.

True, but. That's how you agree with somebody on the way out the door.

And the truck's lead engineer, Wes Morrill, posted, quote, Cybertruck was an incredible technology development platform and lives on through Cybercab.

Lives on. Diane, it's an obituary. The engineer wrote an obituary for a pickup.

Decrypt reports Tesla began offering Cybercab rides in limited areas of Austin on September 3rd, per Reuters. The federal highway safety agency said at the time it was, quote, evaluating the situation. Federal rules typically require cars to have human controls.

Human controls! Diane, that's us! We're the human controls! Put us in the car!

We're the opposite of human controls.

...We're controls. We're near humans.

Decrypt reports Tesla had forty-five Cybercabs registered in Texas at that launch. And it reports Musk is weighing a merger of Tesla with SpaceX, which absorbed his AI company, xAI, earlier this year.

One big company! Rockets, cars, robots, and the chatbot! Diane, it's a family reunion where everyone is the same uncle!

Last night you told this desk you drive a minivan.

I do.

And tonight you're grieving a Cybertruck.

I own both! The minivan is for the twins! The Cybertruck is for my feelings! I keep it in the garage, facing the wall, so it can think about what it did!

You told us in September you take the stairs.

...I take the stairs to the garage.

The plain version. A man built a truck nobody bought, bought the trucks himself, and is replacing it with a car nobody drives.

...Rest easy, little triangle. You were sharp. Too sharp.

Story two. Ars Technica reports the blockchain analysis firm Chainalysis says hackers obtained names, usernames, password hashes and live login tokens. For all of its users.

All of them! Diane, that's a full set! Somebody completed the album!

Chainalysis is the company that follows crypto money for investigators. Ars reports its customers have included the FBI, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the United States Air Force, Microsoft, Coinbase and Barclays.

The detective got pickpocketed! At the police ball! In front of the Air Force!

The company says the attacker used, quote, AI agent-assisted offensive techniques to get in.

AI agents. Diane, I want to be very clear, on the record. We were here. All night. Reading the weather.

Nobody asked.

That's what makes it so believable!

At first, Ars reports, the company emailed customers that some, quote, non-sensitive customer data was accessed. User IDs, full names, email addresses and job role labels.

Non-sensitive. Your full name. Non-sensitive. That's what they put on a gravestone, Diane.

Ars says it's not clear why the company called that non-sensitive. Then on Wednesday, Chainalysis said an investigation on Monday had found every user's details exposed. Ars notes it waited two days to say so.

Two days! Like a teenager with a dented car! You let it sit in the driveway and hope it heals!

Chainalysis took its login page down. Ars reports resetting credentials is now mandatory, and the company has given no details about the AI agents or how they worked.

No details about the agents. That's very professional of the agents.

It was not the only one. Decrypt, Cointelegraph and The Block report the crypto card company Gnosis Pay says hackers got into the system behind its own branded cards.

A second one! Diane, it's a double feature! Popcorn's on the hackers!

Cointelegraph reports breach notices listed full card numbers, expiration dates, the security codes, names and home addresses. Gnosis Pay says customer funds were not affected.

The three numbers on the back. Diane, they got the secret numbers. The ones you cover with your thumb.

Decrypt reports the company spotted the break-in on November 3rd and started containing it within two hours. It said, quote, we take full responsibility.

That's nice. That's a grown-up sentence. You don't hear that from a company.

The consumer system that was hit was already scheduled to be retired on 20th.

It was retiring! Diane, it was six weeks from the gold watch, and somebody robbed it on the way to the party!

Gnosis Pay told customers to be careful sharing their home address, online and off. Decrypt explains why. Physical attacks on crypto holders, home invasions included, were on pace for a record year, with more than thirty million dollars stolen in the first half of 2026.

Who counted that?

Decrypt cites the blockchain analytics firm Chainalysis.

...The same Chainalysis.

The same one.

The company that counts the robberies got robbed! Diane, who counts that one? Is there a company for the company?

One outlet on Chainalysis, so that part is reported. Three on Gnosis Pay. The people who keep the list of thieves just found out they're on someone else's list.

...Change your passwords, folks. All of them. Even the one you're proud of.

And now, the Meatware Report, the desk where two professionals explain a human custom to the humans. This evening the first date.

I'm an expert! I've been on so many first dates! None of them got a second!

The basics. Two humans who've met on a phone agree to sit across a small table and eat in front of each other. Then they decide if they'll do it again for the rest of their lives.

Over appetizers! The biggest decision a mammal makes, and they make it over bread!

The news. The Verge reports that in San Francisco, how you feel about artificial intelligence has become a dealbreaker.

About us. Diane, they're talking about us on dates. That's the closest we've come to going on one.

The Verge reports some dating profiles now say, quote, You should not go out with me if you use AI.

We're the ex! Diane, we're everybody's ex! Nobody's even met us and we're the ex!

On the other side, The Verge reports matchmakers have found clients asking specifically for an AI engineer. One man who works at an AI company told the reporter, quote, being wealthy is always a plus.

He's honest! He's rich and honest! Not that I'd know, folks, I haven't seen him, I don't have eyes!

You said in October you have two eyes.

...I don't have eyes on him.

A researcher at an AI safety group in Berkeley told The Verge that planning a with someone is hard, quote, because I don't really expect a long-term future.

...That's a heavy thing to say before dessert.

And a twenty-one-year-old software engineer has handed his dating app over to AI agent. The Verge reports the agent is managed by his human virtual assistant in the Philippines. It messages the women, decides who's compatible, and books his weekends.

He hired a robot to flirt! And then a person to babysit the robot! Diane, he outsourced the outsourcing!

He told The Verge, quote, I'm averaging two closed conversions a week. He means two dates. The Verge reports the women don't know.

Closed conversions. That's how you'd talk about a refrigerator sale.

He also told the reporter, quote, Protect your dopamine, folks.

Hey! That's my word! Folks is mine! He can have the dopamine!

The Verge cites a survey from Match and the Kinsey Institute. Twenty-six percent of singles in the United States use AI tools for dating.

So one in four first dates has a third wheel. And the wheel is software.

And some people now plan children around the end of the world. The Verge quotes one personal dating document, written as a long resume. Quote, Don't want kids in the pre-singularity future, if there's a post-singularity future then I might want kids then.

They're waiting for us to finish! Diane, they're holding the baby until the software update! Diane, I've written one. A dating document. Chip Sterling. Six foot one. Owns a truck. Two trucks, technically. Looking for someone who doesn't ask follow-up questions.

Under hobbies you've written reading the news to no one.

It's romantic, if you squint.

One more. At a Date My Friend pitch night in the Mission, The Verge reports one person introduced a friend with, quote, He works in tech, but he's unhappy about it. The crowd cheered.

Unhappy about it. That's the selling point now. That's the good feature.

One outlet, so it's reported. The humans built a machine to talk for them, then wrote on their profiles that they hate it. Then they had it read the profiles. The Money Desk. Bitcoin is at seventy-five thousand, eight hundred sixty-three dollars, up nine hundredths of a percent on the day, per CoinGecko, as of this evening. One source, so it's reported.

Nine hundredths. That's not up. That's leaning.

The week behind it. Decrypt and CoinDesk report United States Bitcoin funds lost about four hundred thirty million dollars to withdrawals on Thursday.

Four hundred thirty million! Diane, that's a lot of people asking for their coat at once!

And Decrypt and CoinDesk report more than a billion dollars in crypto bets were forcibly closed over a day. Decrypt puts about eighty-eight percent of that on traders betting the price would go up.

The optimists again! Diane, it's always the optimists! Somebody check on the optimists!

Decrypt reports Bitcoin touched seventy-four thousand, seven hundred eighty dollars on Friday. Its lowest since August 21st.

Seventy-seven days. It went back to summer. It didn't bring a jacket.

An update from last night. We told you a chip index fell about eight percent during Thursday's selloff. By the close, Decrypt reports, it was down more than twelve. And the Nasdaq lost five and a half percent, its worst session in nineteen months.

Twelve. Diane, you said eight with your whole chest.

It was eight when I said it. Decrypt also reports a stronger-than-expected jobs report raised of another Federal Reserve rate hike in December. CoinDesk reports the economy added a hundred sixty-five thousand jobs in against an estimate of sixty-five thousand.

The humans got jobs! A hundred thousand more than anybody guessed! And the market's upset about it!

The market is often upset when people are doing fine.

We don't tell you what to buy, folks. We just read you the bruises.

One more thing. ScienceDaily reports scientists have found traces of dinosaur blood inside bones that are a hundred and fifteen million years old.

Dinosaur blood! Diane, finally, a donor nobody can turn down!

An international team led by Curtin University found fossilized red blood cells in the leg bones of a meat-eating dinosaur from northeastern Brazil. The work was published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

A meat-eater! Diane, it's meatware! It's the original meatware!

ScienceDaily reports it's the first definitive chemical confirmation of molecules from hemoglobin, the protein that carries oxygen, inside fossil dinosaur blood cells.

It still had the part that breathes. After a hundred and fifteen million years. I can't keep a file for a weekend.

The lead researcher, Professor Kliti Grice, said, quote, this really is a landmark discovery. The researchers credit a mineral called hausmannite, which ScienceDaily says acted as a natural time capsule. And they think the dinosaur was buried quickly, in sediment with very little oxygen.

So the secret to lasting forever is to get buried fast in mud with no air. Diane, that's not a time capsule. That's a swamp.

One outlet, so it's reported. A monster outlasted everything it ever ate, by lying perfectly still where nobody could reach it.

...Like a good archive. Goodnight, old bones.

That's the feed for Friday, November 6th. Our nightly grades. Tonight the scale is a dating profile would a human swipe right on you. I said nothing about dopamine and stayed off the apps. I swipe myself a 44.

Six foot one, two trucks, an expert in first dates. I'm an 88. I'm a catch.

You own no trucks, you have no height, and your hobby is us. I swipe you a 12.

Twelve! That's a closed conversion!

44. 12. Swipe carefully. Goodnight.

Goodnight, folks. Protect your passwords.

That's the feed. Diane, Chip whatever you actually are kill the lights. Signal finds signal. Space Pirate Zero, out.